I know what you mean, George. Exactly. You know what
is right for you. You even know what is best, what works.
Why can't the other person see it the way you see it? What's
wrong with that person that he or she just can't understand and
perceive the world like you do? It can be very frustrating.
And annoying. If that person could only be... only be... YOU
That's the answer. That would solve everything. And,
come to think of it... why can't everybody on the road drive the
way you want them to drive? It would be a far better
situation on the road today if everybody would simply... (what's
the best way to put it? Oh yes:)... Get
out of your way
. That would be soooooooo much better.
And, for that matter, why can't all the blind producers for once
see what a spectacular screenwriter you are and stop this
rejection hoopla and finally send you that six-figure check that
you deserve!? Think of how that would be if you could just
have some of those desires, those wishes fulfilled. You
could drive to the studio as everybody in their cars, who looked
and dressed and acted just like you, got out of your way,
and you'd go to a studio where producers wearing sunglasses and
walking around with canes and seeing-eye dogs would suddenly have
their sight returned to them as they read your script (though I'm
not certain what they were doing reading your script in the first
place) and issue six-figure checks to you every time you sent a
screenplay to them. Or, colloborator-wise: When you
co-wrote with somebody, no matter what your idea was or whatever
you wanted to write -- even if it was pitiful, drab, dribble --
your co-writer would say, "love it! Fantastic!
Genius! I'll cut my 40 pages in order to fit that in, no
problem!" Ah, a screenwriter's
But is it? Do you really want it that easy? Or do
you want to enjoy the journey more than the arrival?
(Personally, I like the arriving part. Who cares about the
stupid journey? Just let me wake up and find myself at the
mike on Oscar night, not even having to have written the
screenplay. They're just giving me the award for "Best
Screenplay Never Written." I'm happy to accept the
esteemed award. The best part of it is that, because I
didn't have to do anything, didn't have to test my mettle, learn
how to write better and better, learn how to get along with
others in the business, I don't have to stand there with a long
list of people that I need to thank. What a relief.
There is a way you can solve your collaborator problem.
Don't collaborate. Although, there is one drawback to
striking out on your own as a solo screenwriter: You won't
have anybody to blame anymore. It'll be just you. And
that can be a pretty scary scenario at times: facing
yourself; facing your weaknesses; facing your limitations.
Not always an easy gig.
But if you still want to collaborate and not face yourself, you
could go off to a deserted island and co-write with a volleyball.
That might be the way for you. Or you could wait until they
have this cloning thing down and clone yourself and make YOU 2
your co-writer. Think of how nice that could be. You
would never disagree with YOU. You'd share the same vision
(almost literally). In fact, here's an idea: You could
call your company, "Double Vision." What a dream!
No more disagreements or testy moments or times when you want to
strangle your co-writer. None of that any more. You'd
be writing with yourself!
Wait a minute. That's what we do anyway, isn't it?