Sample of Page-By-Page Script Notes For a
Sitcom ("Coach")
You’ve come up with an excellent, original premise for a
“Coach” episode with your episode entitled “Crystal Football.”
The idea of having Haden becoming mixed up with a “sports psychic” is
truly creative and is a wonderful terrain for comedy, which you have skillfully
developed, showing your distinctive style of humor.
The “Coach” script is very visual (which is a must for a sitcom to
work), has some very witty dialogue that captures the characters’ specific
voices, a sitcom rhythm and tone, and shows a penetrating awareness of the main
personalities.
The following are specific writing suggestions that you are
free to use:
PAGE 1: Give
Dauber one of his dimwitted comebacks such as:
HAYDEN
What are you potato heads doing?!
DAUBER
Coach, I think you mean,"potato
couches."
(REALIZES THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT)
PAGE 4: Have
Hayden shoot some of Luther’s very same words back at him, which is a device that helps connect characters’ dialogue.
LUTHER
And you should see my abs now.
HAYDEN
The only thing I want to see is
you two
working on those game tapes.
PAGE 5: Here’s
another example of “dialogue connecting” you can employ.
LUTHER
All these people were on who say the
Sports Psychic has helped them win and
how relieved they are now.
HAYDEN
Yeah, relieved of their wallets.
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